Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
