This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
