She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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