found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
