BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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