I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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