he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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