How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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