i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
