I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
