How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
