In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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