Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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