shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
