I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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