The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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