Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
