I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
