from now on my penis is your penis
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
