Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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