I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
