I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
