Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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