i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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