i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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