YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
