i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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