I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
