thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
