I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
