i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
