he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
