I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
