??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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