I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
