He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
