I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
