she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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