Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You just made me feel so damn special
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
