she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
