I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think I just shit out all my problems.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
