You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I want to make a zoo with you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
