One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
