Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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