God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
