I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
