we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
