Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
