Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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