i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
