Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
