my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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