you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You made out with two different species that night
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
