Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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